Saturday, 28 December 2013

Robin Laid An Egg (It Was Served Well Done)

Batman is often talked about as a loner, a solitary dark crusader who eschews company instead surrounding himself in shadow and participating in gravel eating contests. 

"CRIMINALS EVERYWHERE WILL FEAR MY GRAVELLY VOICE..." - "I don't know, I swear to God." - SWEARTOME!" - "Sorry, what?" - "DAMMIT."

However, this perception of Batman totally neglects the fact Batman has rarely ever been alone in his history and has a whole extended Bat-family. 

Everyone forgets Ace the Bat-Hound.

From 1940 onwards, Batman has fought crime as a member of the Dynamic Duo with his ward, Robin the Boy Wonder. 

In the 1940s it was totally cool to make a young child swear an undying oath to fight crime and corruption.

Dressed up in bright primary colours of red and green, and sporting ever fashionable pixie boots, Robin serves as a lively counterpart to the brooding Dark Knight. Additionally, because of his bright plumage and acrobatic skill, he is useful as a target for criminals to distract them from the Batman's attacks, bouncing about in tactically eye-catching attire. 

Wouldn't you be at least mildly distracted if this boy was prancing about all around you?

However, Robin is not only an effective means of distracting his enemies for Batman, he is also often the one that makes sure that the Dark Knight doesn't go too, well, dark, and lose himself totally in the fight against crime, possibly crossing his moral code and becoming that which he hates. Essentially, Robin acts to mellow Batman out through levity and humour while serving as his moral compass.

Sometimes a moral compass that points a little south.

There have been several different Robins over time, Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown and Damian Wayne, 

Collectively known as the Rockin' Robins.

All of whom have brought something different to compliment the World's Greatest Detective, from Grayson's jovial nature,


To Jason's death,
"Just more guilt to add to my crippling inability to cope with the violent death of a loved one in any other way than by donning a bat costume and fighting crime."

Tim's detective skill and empathy, figuring out who Batman was and realising he needs a Robin to act as his moral centre,

Coincidentally, Batman gets schooled by Alfred here.

Stephanie's enthusiasm,

And look at her go, the spry little thing.

And the total lack of fucks Damian has to give,
"Whatevz, I'm gonna steal your motorbike too, BTW."

Regardless of which Robin is currently sporting the green and red plumage, Robin is Batman's crime-fighting partner, united in their quest to end corruption and vanguish evil, as well as their mutual hatred of Christmas carols. 

Those kids had it coming.


Friday, 13 December 2013

Wonder Woman Is Really Into Tying People Up

One of the great icons of super-heroism, one third of the World's Finest Trinity with Superman and Batman, and an Amazonian Princess, Wonder Woman has saved the world time and time again from the forces of evil.

Not the most humble of heroes though...

However, the Amazon Maiden has a dark secret  (and no, it is not that she doesn't realise we can see her in her invisible plane).

"Don't worry. They'll never see us." 

Although, to be fair, it does seem slightly less conspicuous than her other means of transportation...

"Oh, not much. And I see you brought a Pegasus..." 

Regardless which mode of transportation she uses to travel, most of which she doesn't actually need since she can, you know, fly and stuff, Wonder Woman always carries the Lasso of Truth with her. Strong as truth itself and infinitely long, Wonder Woman's Lasso makes it impossible for anyone caught in it to lie or break free of its grasp. 

"I have a lasso and I am not afraid to use it."

Serving to totally subject the victim to Wonder Woman's whims, the Lasso forces them into a submissive position while Wonder Woman is able to dominate them. But Wonder Woman seems to enjoy tying her opponents into bondage a bit too much for it to be purely a practical method of detaining evil-doers.

Judging by the look on Wonder Woman's face, I'm sure they play many 'safe' binding games. I bet they bind each other really hard.

Yes, for although it may initially appear that the Amazing Amazon is a naive and innocent warrior princess, in reality she gets her kicks from bondage and some kinky S&M in her everyday superheroing. She basically is a dominatrix in red boots and a gold tiara.

Wow, they got the cat o' nine tails out and everything. She even has her dom-voice on.

Not that Wonder Woman didn't mind occasionally swapping roles and playing sub every now and then:

Nothing to see here, just some light bondage!
"She's bringing out the tape? Oooh, goody."

However, there was a significant issue whenever Wonder Woman decided to sub which is probably why she didn't swap roles all that often, rather preferring to dominate.

Yeah... She loses her Amazon strength. When shackled by a man. Because blatant patriarchal metaphor.

Wonder Woman loses her Amazon strength when bound by a man, a metaphor for how even the strongest woman is 'shackled' by the power of patriarchal society (which is a valid, albeit sad, comment on the sexism inherent in society), and explains why she prefers nights at the BDSM bar when Catwoman was in town. 

It took every ounce of willpower in my body to avoid a cat related pun in regards to this sex kitten.


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