Friday, 7 February 2014

They're Superheroes, What's the Worst That Could Happen?

"Where are they now? They are living among us. Average citizens, average heroes, quietly and anonymously continuing to make the world a better place." 

Everyone remembers those stoic words intoned at the end of the newsreel announcing the end of the Super Era with the passing of the Superhero Relocation Program. 

Facing mounting public pressure and a seemingly endless battle in the courts against lawsuits from people the Supers kind of wished they hadn't have saved, the government caved and put the Supers into hiding.

Ah, the halcyon days of 2008, when New Spandex was considered a modern miracle.

Which we all know now was a terrible, terrible idea. For although the Supers were forced into early quiet retirement and forbidden from using their powers, this was not really the case for Super Villains who, already on the wrong side of the law, took the absence of the Supers with villainous glee.

Or alternatively, French smugness.

Following the relocation of the Supers, crime rates spiked while Superhero sightings dropped to all time lows. Although some Villains such as Bomb Voyage (pictured above) did retire due to the scarcity of worthy adversaries to test their villainy, most continued their evil ways unabated.

Ex-villain. Current profession: Street side entertainer/scarer of chidren.

Subsequently, law enforcement officials the world over, lacking the fundamental tool for fighting Super Villains (namely super powers), had their resources stretched to the limit.

It was much better when Elastigirl did all the stretching.

With the police offering little to no resistance, Super Villains such Baron von Ruthless went on vicious crime sprees that ravaged cities. At one point, The Red Menace, who survived his airborn collision with Captain Capitalist, essentially held Newtropolis at ransom. This cost the city millions in taxpayers dollars to subdue the master criminal, leading some to criticise the Superhero Relocation Program with a slight resurgence in support for Supers still in hiding.

This resurgence in support for the return of the Supers has gained even more momentum in light of the events of last month, now referred to as the Syndrome Incident. Buddy Pine, noted technology entrepreneur and a delusional ex-fan of Mr. Incredible, as his alter-ego Syndrome unleashed a giant robot on the city in a foiled attempt to gain public support as a superhero by defeating said giant robot, known as a Omnidroid.

Yes. This man tried to convince the general public he was a superhero and totally not evil.

Luckily for the citizens of Newtropolis, Syndrome's plan was foiled by what appeared to be a new family of Supers dressed in bold red attire, that bears the hallmarks of the distinctive work by that fashion guru for Supers, Edna Mode. 

Fashion genius at work.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that the father and mother of the superhero family appear to be Mr. Incredible, famed hero and the first Super to be sued, and Elastigirl, noted feminist Super. This has led many commentators to conclude that the young speedster and teenage girl who generated force-fields to be their children. Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl were often rumored to be Super power couple by gossip magazines, such as the now-defunct Superhero Weekly. Furthermore, in his last interview before the lawsuits ensued, Mr. Incredible entertained the notion of settling down and starting a family. It seems likely that he got his wish while in the Relocation Program.  

Are these two former Supers now a married couple with a family of Supers?

While police have not issued a statement as of yet, eyewitness accounts and several amateur photos taken by members of the public also place former ice-powered hero, Frozone at the scene. This seems to be confirmed as the lake in the middle of the city is currently covered in ice, despite the high summer temperatures on the day of the Syndrome Incident.

This is an unverified photo of the chilled former Super in action on the scene.

The great success of the family of Supers, unofficially dubbed The Incredibles, in thwarting Syndrome's scheme and destroying the Omnidroid has caused many politicians to reconsider public opinion regarding the Superhero Relocation Program, with calls to revoke the program.

And all it took was a giant robot of death.

If the program is revoked, the Supers may be able to come out of hiding and resume hero work, although this may cause numerous legislative and procedural issues. Regardless, Supers United, a lobby group of opponents of the Superhero Relocation Program started by the late Simon J. Paladino, alias Gazerbeam, seems to be using The Incredibles as figureheads for a push for Supers to come out of hiding. Public opinion seems to be shifting too but it remains to be seen if the program will indeed be revoked in the future.

With this super family anything is possible, especially photogenic publicity shots.


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